boom

For the first time, I'm too happy to sleep. 

This is me genuinely smiling as I was laughing over some Instagram comment. Twas the best Thursday I ever had, for the longest time nothing affected my mood. Thankful for a day where I could be genuinely happy & not worry about any other thing. :) 

The calm after the storm I guess. 

Just few nights ago;

I reflected and it hit me hard that I've been unappreciative of so many things. I cried so much as I realised I was actually hurting people unknowingly. God placed so many people in my life who cares for me in many different ways but I brushed it off as though I didn't need it. I was yearning for others' care & concern instead of appreciating what I've got. Received so much and yet I was so blinded. 

Questions started popping: 

WHAT if I fail to see all these & continued hurting them, would they continue to shower me with love? WHY did they bother to care although they might be the only one getting hurt at the end of the day? 

I was a foolish selfish idiot that only thought of what's best for me. However, I didn't know what's best for me so i was seeking for comfort at the wrong places. 

And after realising how terrible I was, he just had to hit me again with the past mistake I made. It was as though I had both cheeks slapped hard. Out of no where a text came in that brought up the cloudy past. Honestly I was pretty annoyed as I had other things to care about rather than a past which I've forgotten but at least things are settled for now (he said). Well, I hope you're honest with me as well as I don't want to see you stuck in the past while I move on alone. 

Nonetheless, I'm glad all these happened as I've gained so much from it. I'm still learning and it'll be a life long journey. I'm still pretty unsure of how do I go about handling things but I'm pretty sure God is in control of it. 

They said "You're still too nice to the people that once hurt you."

For God says, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

Wouldn't say I've forgive completely as I'm struggling to forgive myself. Summing things up I just gotta say at the end of the day I'm still vvvvvv blessed :') 

Logging off now,

0251nights.