Seventh

There's good in goodbyes. 

Typing down making it serve as a reminder for myself, wanting to remember this feeling forever. 

Went to church with a heavy heart, having plenty of thoughts but honestly none about God. I went back to the state where the company > God once again & I'm so glad I realized it (again) today. 

Church once again became a routineeeee, sermon bores me and practically my heart wasn't there for God. It hit me hard during cell when Jeannette was singing while everyone else had their own quiet time to communicate with God. 

During that quiet time, I asking God how do I go about loving him once again, where can I find him, why am I back to square one where I tried living my own life without him. Those questions flooding my head but all I received during that time was "let go, let God". Surrendering to God was what I needed to do. All these while I took things in my control, followed my heart although it's deceiving. It was a painful truth that I actually placed myself above God once again. I had to swallow my pride and confess that yes it should be about you God, no one else. 

I said a prayer in my heart & soon after the feelings were gone. Those yearns for someone just disappeared. I felt the peace in me & reassurance that things are in control. Although I know I will still struggle with having to let go completely, I know God would guide me along the way. Having to surrender the friendship that I was holding on to with my everything was like a stab in my heart but without feeling the pain I'll never know how strong I could actually be. 

Like she said, you'll never learn what it means to be truly happy without going through sadness. There's always good in goodbyes as to me now goodbyes means that there are new things coming along the way. Greater things have yet to come, just gotta wait. 

Truly thankful to have a daddy God who loves me despite being a trash, THANKYOU Jesus for paying the highest price to redeem me although I'm so unworthy. 

Reminder: God knows what's best for me. 

Till next time!