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The perfect imperfect moment;

Music playing, fellowshipping, heartfelt authentic convos with tears and hugs. 

It was that perfect moment where I found myself quieting down in one corner. That few seconds of uncertainty opened a door to anxiety. The next moment was unspoken. 

Flashbacks of vivid memories crept in - it was uncontrollable. I knew straight away it was a mistake. Picking up my phone next to me I dialed the number I memorized, hoping it’ll be a form of distraction but it took me 3 calls. However, the call continued with mistakes that created confusions and worries. 

After which, I blanked out & all I knew was to grab my things and leave. So I did. Tears were flooding my eyes as I went down the stairs and walked home. I didn’t know what was happening to me but I knew I needed some time, alone. 

Thinking back, it was a selfish act. I was thinking of myself the entire time, how I felt and what I should do. I’m sorry didn’t consider the people surrounding me and ignored everything. 

I’m confused with the anxiety - was it loneliness? jealousy? insecurities?

IT doesn’t make any sense to me in any single way but I pray I’ll figure it out soon.