Fourteenth

What hurts more than someone you love disacknowledges you? 

It's been a fun night laughing through shawn's party, good company I must say. Thankful for a great night! 

Despite all, the person I'm suppose to love most treated me as though I'm invisible. Why bother finding me only when you need help? I made the effort to have small talks I cried nights looking at how distant we are I even gave up someone I treasured as you were more important. I kept quiet through this entire time as I thought it's best if we took sometime out & reflect on how our relationship have been like.

Through this entire period of hurting, you only find me when you needed help. Other times, you'll just treat me like I'm invisible. It feels like now, I don't even know you at all. Those tears shed, are they even worth? My heart ache & I'm about to burst into tears again but will you ever appreciate my presence?

I know that I haven't been constantly there for you & I'm really sorry. Sorry for having a life of my own, being too caught up with my friends but I cared, you mattered. BUT till today, have you ever treat me like a human?

I'm so tired of you. Sick of worrying over the same old, seeing you mess up but I can't do much. It's like standing in a fire waiting to get burn. 

Although you've treat me to meals, these sweet treats isn't gonna mend our relationship. I'm really clueless how now or how many more nights I've cry & pray just cause you made me feel like I'm doing no enough. 

It's like I'm never good enough for anyone, why did I even exist? Your mean words, days where you called me fat & I'm slowly letting it sink in as it's been frequent to the point where it seems like it true. 

Sorry for not being good enough & my insecurities. Sorry for living in self pity as mostly it's "I". Sorry for never being able to be the one that you expected me to be. Don't believe in me as I'll never fail to disappoint. I'm sorry for being the immature one that ruin everything that's given to me. Sorry lost its meaning as I've said sorry too many times. I've failed you failed others failed everyone. 

Maybe, everyone should just stay away from me. I'm sorry.